Railway parasites

Small talk: Shopping spree is infectious. Interviews are dull. I cannot stress how much i loathe numbers this week and I am yet again sick of the train. Today's such a drag I practically cleaned my entire room and had everything rearranged, reorganized, grouped and color coordinated. I am amazed myself by what I did today. it will not last long for sure...

Now it has been quite a number of years that I've been taking the KTM train, KL monorail and Putra LRT. Although my usuals wouldn't be referred to as an everyday thing but it is frequent enough to notice several intolerable behaviors.

One that never fails to take place is the existence of "railway parasites". I coined this term in reference to passengers who are ignorant when it comes to other passengers and they always do at least one of these: A) hug the pole (nevermind whether they're sweating like Niagra fall; B) lean on the pole (doesn't matter with their entire back/butt/sides/front); C) not holding the pole but simply stand right in front of the pole giving no access to other passengers.

It's really fine when there's no one around that needs the pole for stability but when there are others who really need the poles, it is really thought provoking as to why these railway parasites are simply so ignorant or blind. Perhaps they have this innate fear that if they merely hold the pole with one hand they might fall and break their necks. Shrugs. Who am I to know right?

Anyway, if you're one of those railway parasites, come a little closer. I'm in a such a giving mood right now so let me share some secrets I have that could be rather useful in case miraculously all poles in the train mysteriously disappear (we should get prepared shouldn't we?) I bet that this pointers would be way more effective if not more interesting than what you parasites have already been doing to annoy others.

**1)
Now instead of using your energy to hug a pole tight or have your weigh all over the pole like you own it, why not stock up on some cement or maybe a super super glue - make sure there's plenty to soak you up. Go ahead to either end or corner of the train and glue yourself to the corners. Doesn't matter if it's the walls or the floor of the cubicle.
If you want to glue yourself to the ceiling, that would be creative as well!

2)
Another thing you could do is lay flat on the floor (if you want to additionally glue yourself to the floor - that would be creative!) and then let other passengers board the train and stand on your (bear in mind to let as many people as possible) and their accumulated weight will definitely hold you down so you won't fly or drop at all.

3)
OR you could purchase dozens of clear plastic wrappers (ya know the ones used to wrap up chilled or packed food at the supermarket or those that are used at home to sealed extra food; the ones that are stretchable, clear and would stick to the surface of a container containing the food. Then, just get any kind person (I'm sure someone would be willing to) just wrap you entirely to the pole. Every inch of you. Oh and make sure to stretch your arms out so others can hold on to you for support; in replacement of the pole.

Well, I guess that's about it. I'm out of ideas and I'm tired. But if anyone who has thought of anything else better than my ideas, why not share your secrets here so these pesky railway parasites can decide on the most creative way to "embed" themselves to the train so they don't have to hug or wrap their entire arms and body towards poles as if they own them poles. ;-)