I don't feel; I know that...

Monday, December 28

Listening to: Broken by Seether ft Amy Lee


That's right. You can use any other words that belong to the same family - afraid, terrified, frightened, petrified, spooked, etc - it doesn't matter. I am all that.

Not because of the dark. Not because of the paranormal. Not because of death.
Certainly not because of any usual trivial objects that I'm usually fearful of.

In fact, it is a thing that is much worst than all of that combined. I've been told that I think too much because of this. I've been told to chill. I get it! There's nothing to be said to someone who doesn't even know what she is afraid of.

Last night, it got me into a really panic state that I was terrified of something that I have absolutely no idea of that in the end - I woke up with dried up wet stains around my eyes. And right at that moment this morning, that first period of consciousness, it hit me. It hit me hard.

It is not something new. It has been there all along. I actually knew what it is that I'm so afraid of and knowing that fact makes it even more frightening because now I am consciously aware that I am extremely afraid of the one thing that would actually inhibit my number one belief in life. It is the enemy of what I truly value in life. So tell me, how do you go about life when you know you're scared of something that goes against what you strongly believe in?

It is the biggest and strongest fear.

And what makes it even worst, is that only I, alone, can overcome that fear.
But where do I start?
And where do I get the courage, huge enough, to fight this fear?


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