say hey thoo zelo whan zelo

Get ready to sat BUHBYE to 2009 peeps!!!


And say, Why Hello 2010!!!!!!!!!!


So, what's your New Year's resolution????


I'm curious as a busy-body-bee-wax... so tell me, tell me, tell me!

ooo.. BTW, have an awesome possum NYE celebration but stay alive kay ;-)

Lotsa love!

I don't feel; I know that...

Listening to: Broken by Seether ft Amy Lee

I'M SCARED...

That's right. You can use any other words that belong to the same family - afraid, terrified, frightened, petrified, spooked, etc - it doesn't matter. I am all that.

Not because of the dark. Not because of the paranormal. Not because of death.

Certainly not because of any usual trivial objects that I'm usually fearful of.

In fact, it is a thing that is much worst than all of that combined. I've been told that I think too much because of this. I've been told to chill. I get it! There's nothing to be said to someone who doesn't even know what she is afraid of.

Last night, it got me into a really panic state that I was terrified of something that I have absolutely no idea of that in the end - I woke up with dried up wet stains around my eyes. And right at that moment this morning, that first period of consciousness, it hit me. It hit me hard.

It is not something new. It has been there all along. I actually knew what it is that I'm so afraid of and knowing that fact makes it even more frightening because now I am consciously aware that I am extremely afraid of the one thing that would actually inhibit my number one belief in life. It is the enemy of what I truly value in life. So tell me, how do you go about life when you know you're scared of something that goes against what you strongly believe in?

It is the biggest and strongest fear.

And what makes it even worst, is that only I, alone, can overcome that fear.

But where do I start?

And where do I get the courage, huge enough, to fight this fear?

what the fishstick's irony

Hmmm... lets see.. It's been exactly a week and a day since exams came to an abrupt end. And what have I accomplished so far with the things I've promised myself to do during my holidays?

NONE!

Zilch!

Zero... get it??

JEEEEE... LOHHHHH...

Big fat nothing.

Mum, aren't you proud of me? Your daughter is all say and think but no "DO".

The only thing I did that confirmed has not failed is eating, sleeping, shopping, & chilling.

Oh and don't forget clowning around where people go: "WTH is wrong with this girl? Studying Psych must have taken a toll on her!"

Owh well, I still have roughly about 2 weeks more I guess?

(Damn girl!!! You sure do make great excuses for yourself, don't you?)

Truth be told, the things that I decided I should accomplish aren't that much of a hassle to me. Nor would I dislike doing... no wait.. on second thought, there are a few that I don't actually enjoy doing... like cleaning my room...

...HEY, on another second thought... I DID clean my room!!!! =.=

So, I actually DID something I was suppose to do.

Ironically (but not funny at all to me), I only did the one that I would dislike doing and left behind all the ones that I would actually enjoy doing.

Erisha,  you're so awesome for that reason =.=

let magic work it's way [PART 2]

Listening to: Going All The Way by Perry Farrell
Wallflower by Priscilla Ahn

Photo credit: Rossen Nickolov

"Her dialogue"

"His dialogue"

"Matt's dialogue"

***continuation to PART 1***

"Hey man, do you want this package to go in this bag or the backpack?" goes Matt as he held the package that J's Dad just handed over to him.

"Just put it in the backpack", he went as he put on his jacket and cap.

Matt wrestled with the backpack as he got the package in.

"Thanks man. Hey did you see the red envelope I was just holding a while ago?" he searchingly questioned.

"Errr...nope. What red envelope you're talking about?"

"OH! It's OK. Found it!" he frantically waved the red envelope that he found hidden under the large luggage.

At that moment, her laughter filled the stairway as she make her way up after having a seemingly amusing conversation with his younger sister, Sarah.

"Got everything you need? On second thought, I better help you double check. Orders from your Mum! Haha," she goes on as she starts fumbling with the luggage and the messy stash of clothes on the floor.

"Not to worry...I've went through everything for the third time already."

"What about your passport then? You forget that and you're not going to be flying off today, I tell you!"

"Wouldn't you want that to happen?" he smile teasingly

"I did not..."

"C'mon people! We need to get going already or he'll miss the flight. Let's go! Move it! Move it!"


***At the airport (2 hours later)***

"Hey little T, what are you doing standing here all by yourself?" he questions just as he walks right up to her. She was overlooking the planes that were about to lift off.

"Checking to see if my baby's plane hasn't miraculously shrink from all the overwhelming heat today?" she joked.

Photo credit: ssutanto

"Hah! It's funny how you're still joking about such a thing, huh? I know how that would be an advantage to you. You know deep down I wish the same. They tell you it's hard but they don't seem to tell how hard it is, huh?

"Have you checked in?" she turns away, avoiding his statement.

"Yeap! Everything went well."

***silence***

"Hey..." he puts his hands on her chin and turn her face towards his.

She smiles...
"That's great! You should better get going now," she says as she checks her watch.

She grabs his hand and starts to direct him to the boarding gate.

"Wait a second!" he abruptly stops and pulls her to face him.

"I've something for you. But promise me you won't open it until you're back home OK?" he handed her a red envelope.

She stares at the envelope as she flips it back and forth...

"Promise?"

"Mmmmhmmm..."

He stares at her quizzically.

"If you're thinking what I think you're thinking, stop it right now! I said last week I won't drop a tear and the last thing you'll see of me is my smile," she smiles.

Upon reaching the gate, they bid farewell and so did everyone else. And as true as her last spoken sentence, he boards the plane with an intact vision of her goodbye smile...

... that for some reason, took him a lifetime and yet he can't seem to forget.

Photo credit: tigerjr228

Her thoughts in her head:

"Have you ever find yourself in that situation where you know something just doesn't sit right? The nagging feeling that it is the end of a chapter; pounding so hard on your chest but yet you wish you could be wrong? 

So much would have wanted to flow out of your mouth; words that could change things, if only you could find the strength to open your mouth and let them out. 

The worst part is?

You want to at least cry the words out but there's no tears and so there's no emotional soothe for your aching heart."

That was that. She lay on her bed at home with her eyes shut. On her right hand, holds the empty red envelope and on the other, holds the napkin that read out: "Let magic work it's way"

*to be continued*

she's ma loony-loon

I shall confess something tonight...

The truth is...

I have a lunatic twin living inside of me. =)

Apparently, she pops out once in a while to confuse the people around me and start making noise just to get attention (being suppressed for such a long time deep inside me can really do a  lot of damage to a personality, you see).

And let me say, out of the hypothetical 10 times that she has surfaced, it would be roughly 4 or 5 out of the 10 times that she might actually do harm to others around her...

So these pass few days, she's been pushing her way out like mad! And finally, she made it successfully the other night.

The result?

Subsequent days of sleepless nights and drainage of excess energy... =(

Either way, it really doesn't matter if it's me or THE OTHER me when all it matters is...

READ MORE

...I CAN TOTALLY BURST OUT ALL THE EXCESS ENERGY IN ME... ESP WHEN IT COMES TO GOING CRAZY WITH SOME FRIENDS!

Like a babe who doesn't feel well but gets cranky when she's hungry which is just so darn funny...

Or a biatch who knows deep down she loves me to bits because I do too... and doesn't mind that my tongue was about to lick her filthy cheeks (LOL)

Or a korean look-alike guy who can't get enough of Paramore!! (yeah Paramore rocks man!!)

And the other dude who seems to enjoy showing off his scars to us (s'ok, gals dig em')

And a tiny little girl who is soooo sick but can still rock the world and still layan me no matter what =P

In short, I heart you guys!

Even when at times you guys can be sooooo darn amusing to the point that I get so speechless...

P/S: The first half of this post may be fictional or not. I leave it up to your imagination.

let magic work it's way [PART 1]

Listening to: Lady Melody by Tom Frager

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Dream by Priscilla Ahn

"Her dialogue"

"His dialogue"

"Matt's dialogue"

"Matt-y!!!! MATT-Y!!!" she shouts as she ran up the stairs, straight into her brother's room

"OH! You're here!?" as she saw him standing beside Matt.

"Surprise! =) I just came over to see you but Matt here said you went out for a while so I thought I'd just wait for you"

She smiles as he gave her a gentle squeeze. It's this little things that are the reasons why she can't stop loving him.

"HEY! Love drama coming to an end people! Back to reality. I'm still here alright"


They both chuckled.

"Anyway, I got the tickets for tonight's gig from Greg and I won't accept any excuse from the both of you. So you both better be there and support this event for my sake!"

"Why do I have to go again?"

"Because Mia's going be there, Matt. And I'm your sister. So if you love me the way you always say you do, you'll go!"

"Haha. You know I'll be there, firefly! I was just messing with you" 
Matt exits the room.

"And you should be there because...", she points at him

"Because I love you", he interrupted



***the next weekend***




A few minutes of warm, sunny picnic by the lake:

"J, do you think if a fish were to lose it's significant other, it would move on and find another one to share it's remaining life with? Are fishes the same as humans?"

"HAHA... what's with the sudden questions?"

"Just tell me what do you think first, will you?"

"I don't know. I guess. It's not impossible. But circumstances may vary. So would the answer to that question. I mean even humans sometimes don't find another one to share he's remaining life with, no? But some do. It's just a matter of variation"

"That is just so you! Haha. You just can't give me a simple, direct answer without the need to put some thought to it, don't you?"


"I know =) It's what makes me interesting and you know it ;-)"


"OK Mr.Smartie-Pants. Here's another shoot... so how is it that people would know when they've met the right one? You can never know until time tells. I mean, they meet someone, they get together and then when all the sweet dreams come to an end, they part their ways. Then the cycle continues. Why go through all that misery just to find the right one? Why can't everyone just not do that and when THE moment comes, they meet the right one?"

"Well, if you don't meet all the wrong ones, how would you know you've met the right one?"

She shrugs and continues to feed the fishes in the lake...

"Now where's this going, tiger?" he quizzed as he came to her side.

"Just a random thought", she shrugged.

"That little head of yours is going to explode anytime soon if you don't stop thinking randomly", he joked. 

"HAHA... This little head here is so powerful, you have no idea how much elaborate and random thoughts it can actually take!" 

"Oh really now, tiger?" he asked as he ruffles her hair and caught her in an embrace.

Photo credit: zero5phh

"You know, sometimes you don't have to go on and on and work so hard to get something you want. Sometimes, maybe all you gotta do is wait and let magic work it's way"


"Really now? So now you're into magic huh??" he chuckles.

"I'm serious!"

"OK OK, relax there little tiger! OK, you want serious...let's be serious. I know where you're going with this so let's share a promise and we'll see what happens..."

"Alright. You said so. Now we don't know what the future holds for us both. Either way, what if, someday, circumstance decides that we'd have to be apart... not because we choose to, but because we have to... so we could grow..."

"...and circumstance decides that to grow, we'd have to leave a space...for each other...to see what the future has in store for us...individually..."

"Yeah. Something like that. Now we'd have to have something to represent... like a symbol... a free ticket... to set us lose"

"That was exactly what I was thinking..." 


He grabs a napkin from the picnic basket and started to scribble on it with the pen from he took out from his pocket.

"Let magic work it's way", tilting her head to the side as she read the words that were written on it.

"This shall be the free ticket. And we shall keep it over in Matt's old guitar case", he explained as he hold the written napkin in front of her face.

"HAHA. OK! But Matt's old guitar case?"

"Yeah! It's over in the attic anyway. It's not like he uses it anymore. Plus, we won't forget about it being there because the guitar case meant something to us"

And with that last sentence coming out from his mouth, she smiles...

To be continued...

the feel good moments

I know when it comes to certain aspects in life, I'm not easily pleased.

And then there are the other minor things in life where I get easily pleased.

Have you ever had those "ahhhh" moments? Moments where you feel - everything is alright!

Times when you feel all fuzzy and warm inside. Times where you can't stop smiling because you genuinely feel so happy?

I'm sure you have. Now take a little step to the side and think... have you ever had these moments when you're just completely alone (sane as well). It is like when you wake up in the morning and you know today's gonna be a great day and so you wake up with a smile =)

Photo credit: quadvision

Your thoughts; your perception.

You see a little boy down by the street, skipping along with his ice cream in hand and you feel happy.

Seeing someone else laugh and it makes you happy.

Closing your eyes and listen to the sound of the wind and it makes you happy.

Dancing and twirling to the CD player and it makes you happy

You hear the birds chirping and it makes you happy

Your mind drifts away as you sat at your favorite spot and it makes you feel happy

The smile...

...sometimes it takes just that small little details in life and happiness comes knocking at your door

to bitch drive or not?? hmmm...

I just had the most random thought today. I'm wondering what kind of a driver would I be?

I mean... today my dad just had one of his so called "road rage" episode again because of a really stupid taxi driver. So it caught me off guard. Would I be such a driver? *lol*

Would I be a bitch driver and every other driver would be my verbal road victim?
I've never actually tried driving that long to find out yet. So far, the only times I've drove, they were all pretty pleasant.

I bet those close to me would definitely vote that I'll be a road bitch for sure, knowing my strong attitude about things. But, hmmm... ya never know, I might be a surprise.

There's only one way to find out!

*Who wants me to drive their car? 

psst: I promise I'll be nice...

heartache roadkill

This recent lack of sleep routine is really driving me nuts.

I'm exhausted but I'm wide awake because I couldn't get back to sleep. Studying is not helping because my brain is too tired to absorb knowledge. Hence, i'm bitching here. RAWR!

It is when I'm cranky, that I start to get annoyed with little things...

Oh boy, imma force myself to get some shut eye as I'm not me right now. =(

On a slightly lighter note, check this out:

So should I get the freaking dress or not?

I love it!!! Man oh man, decisions.

Help me out.

It's 90 bucks

='(

the final thirty

Listening to: 
Secrets by One Republic
The Saltwater Room by Owl City

IT IS officially the last month of 2009. I am stoked at how fast time flies. Really now. It feels like as if it was only yesterday that I washed away 2008. And now it's time to wash away 2009. It's been a bittersweet year but overall, it had been nice.

Now, I'm not wondering what's to offer in 2010 but more on what this last month is going to be like before the new year.

Speaking of which, it has passed my mind that some people say that life has already been written and whatever that happens, are by fate and destiny. The others believe that YOU and I write the stories of our lives and things happen because of how we decide and what actions we take.

So which party are you? 

Life is written for you?

or

You write your life?


I'm curious to know... so tell me...

If you'd ask me, I'd say that it is a mysterious mixture of both and it is that mystery that makes life interesting. But that's just my view. It could be wrong, It could be right.

So! Getting back to what I've been talking about, the soon-to-be ending year 2009. As always, I don't make resolutions for every beginning of every year. But I choose to do the opposite.

So this year:

• My ongoing struggle with trust issues is still not improving..

• I've finally let go =)

• People have gone away. New acquaintances are made. And these ongoing process has made me learn new things about people. Some ways, good. Some ways, bad. 

• I still, personally, despise lizards. They are filthy, disgusting and their existence are simply killing me!!!

• I broke a promise I made to myself. Apparently, it's very hard to keep a promise, even when it is just for yourself. So, go figure. 

• I chopped my hair. I think I still love having long hair. I have a feeling this short-hair phase is not going to last long. 

• I've had my OHSOGOOD moments when I find myself being able to relate with individuals I've never expected I could with. Sometimes, friends are the best for certain moments but sometimes, all you need is the voice of a stranger or a distant peer. 

• My temper has gradually decrease and I'm much more patient

• There has not been nightmares this year. I guess 2009 is a bless =) If you don't know what I'm talking about, read The girl who dreads past nights...

• I continue to hate sleepless nights... nights such as this.

• I've came to realized that some people don't deserve my trust and care

• I've been lied to

• I had my first minor surgery... which scared the hell out of me at first

• I lost someone I love a lot. I hope she's at peace. And I know Mum is still grieving. Thinking about it still makes me teary. 

• I learnt something new during a private counselling session. Smiles!

• I had my first ever, proper Japanese cuisine. 

• I keep wondering when did I suddenly stop driving? Maybe I'm not meant to drive. Maybe I need a driver. 

• Crazy strangers still won't leave me alone. Please I beg you, leave me alone!

• I did not do anything stupid and reckless... I think... as far as I've remembered... as compared to the things I've done last year. This is a record =P

• I'm sick of this list already... I can't remember anything now. My decision is to stop here and leave this list hanging and please don't hate me because of it =)